


If A Tree Falls

by PepperF



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-21
Updated: 2009-05-21
Packaged: 2017-12-09 20:15:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/777559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PepperF/pseuds/PepperF
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Married?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	If A Tree Falls

**Author's Note:**

> I might have to add this cliché to my 50 Top Tropes list. I would've sworn it'd already be on there, but it's really kind of not.

"Married?"

He was trying to move past it – he really was. He could sense the irritated looks his teammates were giving him. On the Ric'hovian side, the looks ranged from puzzled to offended. He needed to get a grip, and get on with the fixing it portion of the exercise, but...

"Married? For the last five years?"

Carter spoke through gritted teeth. "Sir, I really don't think the length of time is the issue here—" Jack gave her a look, and she subsided, looking mutinous. And he was going to pretend he hadn't heard what she'd just muttered.

"So..." He sucked in a long, thoughtful breath, knowing he was drawing everyone's attention. He paused, and pursed his lips. He could practically feel Carter's glare burning into him, willing him to say something innocuous, to behave, to move the heck on. He picked over responses in his head – _So, what, no toasters? So when do we get the honeymoon? So no one thought to mention, after what seemed like a perfectly innocent farewell ceremony at the end of our brief visit to your charming planet, five years ago, that Carter and I had in fact gotten married? So sorry I missed all of our anniversaries, darling?_ "So... married, huh?"

Carter covered her face with her hands and groaned.

\---

Carter was avoiding him, and he'd happily have let her, if he hadn't needed to speak to her about getting a divorce.

"Hey."

She looked briefly up at him, and then back down at the MALP. She'd eviscerated the poor thing, strewing its innards across the plain in front of the Gate. Jack had a suspicion it was a proxy. "Sir," she acknowledged, shortly.

"'Honey'," he suggested. Ooh, if looks could kill...

"This isn't funny," she snapped.

Jack settled himself on the Gate steps, resting his gun comfortably across his knees. "Oh, it is," he assured her. "Believe me, I know funny. I have a very sophisticated sense of humor." Now that was better – she'd almost looked like she didn't want to push him into a kawoosh, just then. "C'mon, Carter – lighten up."

"Lighten up? Is that what you're going to tell Hammond when he threatens to send us both to prison?"

Jack waved his hands. "Piffle. The fact that we didn't even know about this shoddy offworld marriage will go a long way towards establishing our innocence."

"Can't we just carry on pretending we don't know?" she begged. 

"Carterrrrr," he said, reprovingly. "Is that really what you want to do? Because while it's not really an issue for me, you're young, and you might want to have that space on your dance card unfilled, someday. Plus you're too honest. Sooner or later, you'd have to deal with it."

Carter shot him an enigmatic look, but whatever she was thinking, all she said was, "Hmph."

"Besides," he added, practically, "who knows when we'll get zapped by some kind of evil alien truth pollen or something. Do you really want Hammond to find out we've been _hiding_ a shoddy offworld marriage from him?"

Carter shuddered. "I really don't," she conceded. She sighed, and leaned her head on her hands, resting against the unfortunate MALP. "So, do they have some kind of divorce ceremony?" she asked, quietly.

"That's the attitude," approved Jack, shoving himself to his feet with a groan. He stretched. "So, I'm thinking we ought to check back with that planet where Teal'c and I had to do the whole 'bonding ceremony' thing with the mud and the blueberries. You know, in case it's bigamy."

Carter chuckled, and looked up. "Sir," she said, reprovingly.

"I'll be back in the village when you're done... working voodoo with the MALP," he said. "Sugarplum."

"Oh, siiiiiir...!"

\---

The ceremony was fairly simply – a few words spoken over them by the head honcho, their solemn oaths that they had not lived as man and wife since the wedding (and don't think he wasn't seeing those speculative looks), and a ceremonial exchange of property. Jack gave Carter his combat bracelet. Carter, after a moment's thought – she wore no visible jewellery, and a ration bar or a radio wasn't going to cut it – rummaged briefly under her shirt, and then dropped a navel ring into his outstretched palm. He was fairly sure his eyebrows disappeared into his hat, at that point. She shrugged, and shot him a mischievous grin.

"A wife needs some secrets," she murmured, for his ears only.

Yeah. They were gonna be fine.

\---

EPILOGUE:

It had been a hard day, and looked likely to be busier tomorrow. Sam let her mind tick over the tasks that still needed to be completed for the evacuation, letting her body relax. She felt as heavy as naquadah – like she was sinking slowly but unstoppably through the thick tree branch she was sitting on, and into the soft ground beneath. Maybe they'd find her tomorrow, buried up to her neck in the earth, like an Easter Island statue. Daniel could excavate her; he'd enjoy that.

"Daniel's into his snoring phase, but I made him turn on his side," said the Colonel, appearing silently at her side. She was too tired to jump. She was also too tired to get up and go lay down just yet, even though her watch was over. "Carter? You gonna sleep there or what?"

"I'll go in a minute," she said, tiredly. "Working up the e-eeeeeeeee..." a yawn caught her by surprise, "energy."

The Colonel came to sit beside her, their backs to the fire. He nudged her slightly with his shoulder. "Happy anniversary," he muttered.

Sam stared into the darkness for a long moment, her mind moving glacially slow. "Oh. Really?" He shrugged. "Uh, thanks."

Surprise waking her mind up a little, she remembered that it was the day yet to dawn rather than the day just gone – or thereabouts, adjusted for Gate lag. Obviously she hadn't been the only one to check the date of that mission – but it had felt like something she ought to note, even if it was stupid and meaningless. And it was very sweet of him to have remembered.

She thought about saying as much. Nah, she'd play nice. He had remembered their wedding anniversary, after all.

"So, I was thinking," she said. "Breakfast in bed." His head snapped around. He was gonna give himself whiplash, doing that. "Get up really late, you know. Have an indulgent day. Maybe go for a stroll after lunch."

He chuckled, catching on. "Yeah, a nice little stroll," he said, wryly. It was a ten-klick slog back to the Gate.

"And then go out later to a nice, romantic little restaurant," said Sam, warming to the theme. "Somewhere candlelit, with really good steaks. Lots of red wine. And then back home, for a long, hot bubblebath, and—" She stopped abruptly, suddenly aware of where her unguarded words were heading. "Um." 

They sat in awkward silence for a while, the fire smouldering behind them. Just as she was wondering whether she ought to slink off to bed, and tomorrow they could pretend they'd not had this conversation, the Colonel reached into a pocket, and then proffered half a Snickers bar that he'd saved from supper. She put her hand out automatically, and then frowned at him, searching his face. He shrugged, his expression unreadable in the almost-darkness. 

Feeling a bit silly, she took the bar, opened it up and took a bite. Mmm, chocolate... sugar goooooooood. She wrapped the rest up again and tucked it into her own pocket, feeling strangely comforted. So, taking a risk, she leaned slightly so that she was resting her cheek against his shoulder. He shifted slightly to brace her weight. She closed her eyes, and felt him heave a soft sigh.

"Happy anniversary, sir," she murmured.

\---

END.


End file.
